A completely different story

for Sam, who brought them back

There was a forest, and in that forest there was a lake, and on that lake there was an island, and on that island there was a mountain, and on the top of the mountain there was a tower. In the topmost chamber of the tower there was a mirror and a chest. And a wolf, curled around himself, with a bushy tail covering his nose. 

The Third Fairy stood in the doorway, panting. She hated the stairs. She particularly hated the stairs if before climbing them she had to run across the forest with no shoes on, then swim across the lake and climb the mountain, all in the bloody velvet dress. 

The wolf raised his head and barred his teeth. His yellow eyes sparkled menace.
- Password! - he barked. 

- Fuck you! - barked back The Third Fairy. She crossed the room and yanked at the lid of the chest. It didn’t move. She kicked it and then started to jump on one leg, swearing. The wolf looked at her with disgust.
- Where is the key? - she hissed through the clenched teeth and massaged her big toe. 

- Just where you put it, sweetie - said the wolf. - In the bloody duck on the bloody subterrean lake in the ruined castle in the centre of the ugliest city of the world, where you decided to live because, I quote, it was the best place to be! Don’t tell me - he grinned - You forgot to take it with you? 

The Third Fairy inhaled and then exhaled loudly.
- You don’t have the spare one? - she asked. 

The wolf stood up. 

- You know what - he said. - I am, if you haven’t noticed before, a wolf. An animal. I don’t have arms, I don’t have legs, and, most of all, I don’t have any pockets to put the keys in! What did you expect? That I will have the spare key dangling around my neck?

The Third Fairy, who expected just that, closed her eyes and ran both hands through her hair. 

- And you could at least say „How are you?” - he added. 

The Fairy opened her eyes. 

- How are you? - she asked. You could cut diamonds with her voice.
- Cold, lonely, bored to death, forgotten, heartbroken, angry and somewhat depressed, thanks for asking. You? 

- Wet. 

- Well, at least once it’s you who stinks of a wet animal, not me. 

The Fairy came across the room and sat with her back against the chest. The wolf followed her.

- I really need the stuff that’s inside, you know - she said after a while.

- Can’t you use your magic? - he asked. - You know, to break in? 

- And you’re what, amnesiac? 

- Well, I thought that you might have somewhat gotten it back.
The Fairy rubbed her eyes and shook her head.
- Oh - said the wolf. - Well, I thought… you know, when I saw you here I was sure you must have gotten at least part of it back. Otherwise I simply can’t see you crossing the woods and the lake. You abhor physical labour. Besides, there are those stories where the heroine grows back her cut hands or tongue…

- This is a completely different story - she cut in. - It’s a proper fairy tale, thank you. You have to work bloody hard to redeem one stupid mistake you’ve made and voila, it can turn out at the end that you did all this work for nothng because you were daft enough to forget where you put the key. I swear I was sure I left it dangling around your neck! 

- No. You wanted at first, but then you decided that it would be better to have it somewhere closer. 

- Don’t tell me. I was that drunk?

- Yup. 

The Fairy started to laugh. Then she sniffed and started to cry. The wolf yawned, licked his nose, paused, thought for a second and thoroughly licked her face. 

- I got it, I missed you too - she said thickly. - But what now? Am I going to be stuck forever in that stupid velvet dress and torn stockings, neither here nor there?

- Well, the liminal phase is probably the most important in every rite of passage…

She looked at him. It was a dark and menacing look, and the wolf knew her well enough to shut up. He really didn’t fancy to have his brain drilled through and smacked from behind.
- You can always ask the mirror - he said after a while. - It doesn’t talk to me anymore after there was a slight misunderstanding during some kind of an online beauty contest I participated in…
- What?
- I honestly thought the question was „Who’s the furriest of them all”! 

The Fairy stood up and went to the mirror. It was huge, black and had the most hideous gilded frame she had ever seen, and she though she saw it all when she went to a certain National Museum. She knocked on the surface.
- What? - said a very annoyed voice. - I told you I am not talking to you! There was a crisis in three kingdoms when the princess ran away with the circus to be The Famous Bearded Woman!
- It’s not him, it’s me.
The mirror lightened up and rippled. A shape made of liquid silver started to form in the centre. Then the face appeared.
- Hello, Your Grace - said the same voice, much calmer now.
- Hello, T-1000 - said The Fairy. There was an annoyed hiss. She narrowed her eyes. - Don’t you give me this attitude. You know that there are only two kinds of magical mirrors in the world, don’t you? 

- I know - said the mirror darkly. - Nice and broken. What do you want?
- Isn’t that me asking the questions? 

- Oh, spare me this shit, will you? Talk to me like a normal human being, I honestly can’t stand another session of pumping up somebody’s already swollen ego. What do you want?
- I want to know how to open the bloody chest you see behind my back. I forgot my key. 

The face in the mirror moved slightly to the right to look at the chest. It saw the wolf and stuck its tongue out at him, then moved back to the centre.
- Is it a magical chest? - it asked. 

- Nah, just the regular one the pirates use.
- Did the pirates use it before?
- No, I bought a new one.
- It’s a shame, because if they did it actually might have rusted along the hinges and then all you’d have to do is to kick the lid off… Ahm… What type of lock is that?
The Fairy looked around her shoulder.
- Big one?
- Oh, okay, let me think… It’s not, by any chance, made of any special wood and doesn’t have the limbs protruding from the bottom? No? I thought so… Well… can you call a locksmith?
The Third Fairy thought about the only locksmith she knew, assessed his ability to help her and shook her head. The face in the mirror elongated a bit. 

- I’m sorry, but I think you will have to restore to the normal and tedious art of lockpicking. And you know what? Ditch this dress. Not your style, not your size, not your colour, doesn’t do you anything. Oh, no, it does. It makes you look fatter, older, shorter and somewhat sick. Like a giant puffball. I honestly never thought I’d say that, but I liked you better in your last attire. Where is it?
The Fairy smirked.
- In the chest - she answered.
- So what the hell are you waiting for? Pick that lock! 

And the mirror went black again. 

The Fairy came back to the chest and sat with her back against it. She sighed heavily. The wolf leaned against her leg. She patted his head. 

- I have nothing to pick that lock with - she said. - Nothing at all. Not even a jacknife. Everything is inside this bloody box. What a brilliant idea I had. 

She sunk to the floor and looked at the ceiling. The wolf put his head on her chest and she started to scratch him behind the ears. 

- At least you’re back - he said. - I’m here and everything you need is safe inside. It’s still there, you know. You’ve just misplaced the key. Maybe now that you know where it is you can go back and get it, and then… - He fell silent. Then sighed. - But I know that if you go away now you’ll never be back. I don’t want you to go - whispered the wolf.

The Fairy wiped her face with both hands. 

- Yeah. And think about those days when I had everything on me. Jacknifes, three crochet hooks, knitting needles, an assortment of fountain pens, a screwdriver…

- There is a screwdriver on the windowsill - said the wolf. 

They looked at each other and sprung up. 

There was a screwdriver on the windowsill. The Fairy examined it with growing suspition. 

- It looks like a small lightsaber to me - she said. She pressed the button and a blue light spurted out of one end, bounced off the wall and hit the mirror. 

There was a loud crashing sound and the gilded frame broke in pieces, revealing the solid wooden one underneath. 

- Where the hell did you get it from? - asked The Fairy. The wolf shrugged. 

- I think there was a logistic mistake going on some time ago. Looks like somebody got the idea that this tower was a place to store boxes of any kinds, so they tried to bring a blue police one here, and you know I got a tad overexcited, jumped at the person who came out of it and he tried to hit me with this thing, and the rest is kind of a blur… 

The Fairy didn’t quite listen to him. She knelt at the chest, took the lock, jammed the screwdriver in the keyhole and pressed the button. The lock disintegrated in the cloud of golden dust. The Fairy looked at her shaking hands, took a deep breath to calm herself down and picked up the lid. 

Everything was just like she had left it. She reached inside and took out the pair of worn Dr Martens boots, the jeans that really could do with same patching over the knees, an equally worn shirt and a surplus green army jacket. A quick inspection revealed a packet of tobacco and the papers in the inside pocket. 

She just sat there for a while, slumped over the clothes, caressing the left boot. Then she stood up, took off the velvet dress and threw it across the room. It hung on the mirror. 

- Hey! - came the annoyed scream. - I can’t see anything! 

The Fairy smiled, put the clothes on, tied the shoelaces of her boots and reached for the tobacco. 

- Oh, fuck it - she said, rolled herself a cigarette, lit it with the screwdriver, inhaled deeply and blew the cloud of smoke out of her nostrils, then started to cough. 

They left the tower and looked at the beautiful blue sky. It was hot. 

- Where to now? - asked the wolf. The Fairy made a face.
- Home? - she suggested. - Although I don’t know how we are going to get through the lake. Remember, I once tried to swim in those shoes and I almost drowned. 

The wolf looked at her strangely. 

- Gal, there is a bridge across that lake if you come from the west - he said. 

- Since when?

- Since you put it there. Said you couldn’t be bothered with swimming across the lake if you ever changed your mind. Oh, and there is also a road through the forest, remember? Paved. 

The Fairy sucked her cheeks in, then opened her mouth and closed it. Opened it again, thought better of it, closed it again and instead raised her left eyebrow. 

- Really? 

There was, of course, a troll under the bridge. When they approached the lake shore, she crawled up to the sun and shaded her eyes. Then she roared and rushed towards them with the speed only a rolling rock could get. 

- Gerroff me! - yelled The Fairy when the troll hugged her to her breast. - Gerroff me, you sad memory of a volcano!
- You’re back! - howled the troll. - You’re back! Roll me a fag, will ya? 

They stopped on a grassy hill on the other side of the lake and looked at the island topped with the mountain that bore the tower. The Fairy smoked a cigarette and enjoyed every second of the tar clinging to her lungs. The wolf lay on his back with all four paws in the air, tongue lolling out. She nudged him gently. 

- I have a favour to ask of you - she said. 

- Huh? - The wolf looked at her suspiciously. - Oh no, not again. Never again. I will never, ever guard anything for you. You left me there with only this bloody mirror as a company and rushed off. You really thought it would work out? You honestly believed that you might left yourself locked in a box? And then pretend to be what, a housewife? 

- I’m sorry - she said. 

The wolf stood up and came to her, leaned against her legs and put her nose in her hand. 

- Don’t do it again, okay?

- Never. 

- What’s the favour? 

She smiled. 

- I would like to introduce you to someone. 

- Oh? Will I like this person? 

- You should. He can dance. 

06.02.2016